The Leather Bound Book Called Life

 As children, we dreamed of the whole fairy tale romance at least once in our lives. Picture perfect dream, yeah that's the one. Shame we loose those dreams as we get older. I always try to encourage my kids imagination to run free and wild, because it will fade into the shadows of tea parties and super heroes. I was what you would consider a traditional romantic. I believed marriage was a one time thing and once I was someones "Mrs." happiness would be unlimited. The whole pretty picture...the house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a lovely dog named Skip. I know, you're probably thinking is this woman for real? Well I was young when I married, just turned 23 and had a 5 month old babe to care for. I didn't know I was wearing the rose colored glasses. I believed in everything that person said to me and thought nothing could hurt me as long as I was loved by him. Well, let's just say 14 years later and I am a whole lot wiser. LOL. As parents, we don't want our kids to repeat the same mistakes we did as youth. I guess I owe my mom an apology for giving her so much grief as a child. Children today are mesmerized by the telly, the social networks, & the internet and how glamorous life looks. They want to grow up so quickly to experience what "real life" is that they forget how old they really are... My daughter is at that age where boys are no longer these gross, germy creatures but potential heart throbs....SUPER SCARED! I try to explain to her to not grow up so quickly and to enjoy still having the freedom to dream. Yes, I do have a son as well but luckily he is still into WWE and being a boy. :) She wants so much to be my lil clone. As a mom, I worry alot! She only has 8 more years till she is considered an adult and time is like a ticking time bomb in my favor. I wish there was a pause button or even a rewind button to correct the mistakes in the past... but we are not that lucky... Life will go on and I have to do whatever I can to be a part of her life. Enjoy the splenders of joy and the tears of heartbreak. I know that things with her father and I have been the rollercoaster of the decade and maybe she is just trying to find her own piece of happiness. I just hope I get to keep her my lil young lady for just a bit longer. After all, she and her little brother have to be there to give me away.... Yes I will be going for that dream again only this time I have the right guy. The love of my life. Till next time, Moms...just breath!

Life is like a spin cycle in the washer machine

We are born and we die, but what happens inbetween our entrance and our exit is what I call the spin cycle. Our struggle to come into this world and take that first breath doesn't mean much to us at that point in time. We are accepted into our own lil program of life. Our traditions and upbringing isn't who we really are but what is given to us. The cycle that we, each of us, live everyday is who we are. Some of us have important roles that grow into a career in life, some of us are repopulating the world with hopeful species to take us into the brighter future, some of us are paired up with a soulmate and have what everyone of us hopes and dreams about (those are the lucky ones), then there are those of us who are still trying to find their meaning in life. Like clothes that are worn and soiled , they must be put into the washer to wash away the mistakes and life lessons so that they can be reused and enjoyed. I once was one of those types of people. So careless and free spirited. I enjoyed the after taste of whiskey and beer and loved the drug induced coma and spontaneous sex play. Everyone has to go their own paths... but we all end up in the same place, the spin cycle. Our bodies squeezed dry and wrinkled and fresh.... Sometimes we have just alittle bit more life but the more and more we are washed and ran through the cycle of life we grow into elders and begin the path of our own exits. All of us choose how we are going to leave and no one else can make the choice but remember that just like your favorite shirt, sweater, or even a pair of grungy sweat pants we are all cherished and love and we were worn and enjoyed....

Happy journey to those who seek out the meaning of life but I think I will wear these old pants for a couple more loads of wash. We are all but the masses of decay waiting for our train to arrive and take us to that next plane of reality. I just hope what train you get on will be the better afterlife that this nine circles of hell you are waiting in.....

The Rosy Colored Glasses Have Come Off

Okay, its been alittle bit of time apart from the last post. So to catch you up on whats been going on....my kids father once again has left the building only this time the door has been welded up shut. As women, we understand the dedication and commitment just like our male companions. But for anyone who has had their life turned upside down because their partner is selfish and doesn't take what their actions will do to you or the children in the relationship should be smacked. Point and simple. I am generally a very trusting creature, and my trust with a particular person has been shattered. Do not say it is my fault, do not blame your actions onto others.... we chose a life together. The thing that sucks the most is the children get caught inbetween the crossfire of the parents. They are innocent, reassure them that both parties love them and that it will not change. And for pete sake's remember that the kids are half of both. So if you bad mouth the other parent, the kids will see it as they are half bad. Please DO NOT Do that! As adults, we have to maintain the security of the household for the young. That is our job. Yes, I was mad! Yes, I felt betrayed! I am not going to lie that I felt abandoned and belittled, but I have my kids and life will go on. The event of my world crumbling was end of Feb 2013, since then I have stayed strong and taking care of my family. That is all we can do. Be the adult and survive through all the ugliness because we are the parents. Since then, my life has had a new beginning and a new love. There is hope for all who have suffered through this same fate. Take control of your own lives and do not look back. I wish everyone out there a blessed day and I look forward to you visiting my blog again soon. :)

Dreams can be the life preparer

This past week, I lost a family member to a bad accident. I guess his death weighted heavy on my mind because I have had strange dreams of my own death. As a parent, we try so hard to prepare our children for the "real world" that we forget to be prepared ourselves. My lost one didn't have any insurance for the "just in case" emergency. The family had to struggle to make sure that the preparations for the funeral were made. In my dreams I had that same factor. I died and had my body cremated. My spouse had my ashes, so when I showed up as a ghost he was quite shocked. The ashes were like a way for me to stay behind and take care of unfinished business. Once the ashes are scattered, it would be my time to go on to the other side. Except, I told my spouse to not let go. I was scared of their future without me. I felt I needed to stay behind. The only reason cremation was possible was because my grandmother set up a insurance policy when I was born. It was enough to take care of the funeral expensives. My spirit remained because whether I am in body or just a soul, I am still a mother. I worried that there was no money to help my loved ones in the coming years. I saw the strain it put on my spouse and kids. My heart was breaking, even though it was no longer beating. I just wanted to scream that my life had ended and I no longer had control over the well being of my family. When I woke this morning I had tears in my eyes before I even opened them. It was just a dream, but felt so real. I am in my 30s and so is my spouse. We have no extra savings. We live paycheck by paycheck and we want only the best for our kids. I have spent so much energy trying to teach my kids to want more in life as they grow into young people. To succeed and have the comforts of life. If something happen today I don't know what either one of us would do. There is nothing there. No securities, finacial stabilities, or help. Thankfully, it has started my spouse and I thinking of the future and the ways to be better prepared for the "just in case" something bad happens and one of us is taking from this life. A parent's job is to teach their kids about life and kids are suppose to be the reason a parent prepares for death. This should be on all parents' to do list. Get the life insurance policy, make the arrangements, and have that peace that if your time has come that you don't have any unfinshed business...

Death may come, but on Angel feathers shall fly

Death is a part of life. There are times that it seems to be a villain, but what people don't realize is it part of the cycle. We are all born, we grow, have kids, grow old, and we rejoin mother earth. Death is sorrow and sadness, but it is something to also rejoice in. It takes away the pain from the suffering and is reborn into new life. A constant circle. We don't disappear just because our human life ends, we are reborn into the grand plan that is designed for us. Last Saturday, my uncle passed away. It wasn't how I thought he would leave this reality. I always saw him old and gray barking at the youngins....lol...but it was his time in the mother's plan. He loved every part of his life and in the end was ready. I use to fear death...as a child I would have nightmares and wake up screaming. I could hear the crunching sound of the soil being shoveled onto me. The smell of the dirt literally would wake me from my slumber. And I could never share these dreams with anyone. Now that I am a parent I help my kids embrace the facts of life and not fear them. You make what you will of this life, it is your choice. Do good and be rewarded. Do evil and be punished. Its that simple, there should be no sugar coating when it comes to facing death. Rejoice, for one day you will be reunited. And that's what I do....rejoice.

Remember Me?

Okay, so it seems to have been too long since I posted anything. Call it "writer's block" but my mind had been put on pause for a little bit... So much has happen and I am sure that moms out there can relate to it. You wake up one day, look in the mirror and you don't even recognise yourself. Life gave me alot to look at and correct in my little world of happiness. I lost a friendship due to infidelity with my partner, but most of all I had to be the wall for my kids during the time apart from their father. Time definitely heals all wounds. This all accrued back in June 11' and I have cried, screams, cried some more, and started to heal. So, you may feel I may have even cracked that barrier of sanity and crazy town... Well in all honesty, yeah I hit rock bottom and I hit it HARD! But in life you can dwell on all the negative things and wither up and die or you can acknowledge it and grow from it. I am so thankful for my kids, they were the motivation to get up everyday and go through the day. Trust me, I just wanted to die. I wanted to drown in the hurt and sorrow of my broken heart. It is really hard when you loose your partner, spouse, boy/girlfriend to someone else, especially when that person was suppose to be your bestie. I'm sure you are wondering if I happen to beat the crap out of that person.... No. I did the opposite. I forgave and I actually thanked her. She gave me another one of life's challenges and I survived it. From time to time she calls or texts me, I know she misses me but that is her loss. I won't be her friend again not because of her going after my husband but the breaking my heart part. You need to forgive, but no one said to forget, lol OK :) I mean we are not born complete idiots. Okay, as I said I am catching up on what you have missed in the two years. So as of now I am currently involved, and surprisingly its my ex...We have been together for so long now going on 13 years that honestly he is the only man I can stand to be with for long periods of time....lol...the kids are doing better and as "MommY" well I have set down some house rules to not repeat this last disaster and we both have learned from all of this to not neglect the important people and things in this life. I feel we appreciate our lives together as a family and as a couple more now than we ever have. We actually moved into a new place back in July and come Valentines Day 2013 we will be celebrating our first anniversary back together....

Well I guess that gets you caught up and I promise to have more posts in the future...

Good Tip: Wake up every morning and don't look at yourself in the mirror first but kiss the person next to you in bed, and smile!

emptiness

I really don't have much to say at the moment but just wanted to acknowledge the world and my readers. Everything is okay just alittle empty...I'll have a better post for tomorrow:)