Saturday, November 17, 2012

Dreams can be the life preparer

This past week, I lost a family member to a bad accident. I guess his death weighted heavy on my mind because I have had strange dreams of my own death. As a parent, we try so hard to prepare our children for the "real world" that we forget to be prepared ourselves. My lost one didn't have any insurance for the "just in case" emergency. The family had to struggle to make sure that the preparations for the funeral were made. In my dreams I had that same factor. I died and had my body cremated. My spouse had my ashes, so when I showed up as a ghost he was quite shocked. The ashes were like a way for me to stay behind and take care of unfinished business. Once the ashes are scattered, it would be my time to go on to the other side. Except, I told my spouse to not let go. I was scared of their future without me. I felt I needed to stay behind. The only reason cremation was possible was because my grandmother set up a insurance policy when I was born. It was enough to take care of the funeral expensives. My spirit remained because whether I am in body or just a soul, I am still a mother. I worried that there was no money to help my loved ones in the coming years. I saw the strain it put on my spouse and kids. My heart was breaking, even though it was no longer beating. I just wanted to scream that my life had ended and I no longer had control over the well being of my family. When I woke this morning I had tears in my eyes before I even opened them. It was just a dream, but felt so real. I am in my 30s and so is my spouse. We have no extra savings. We live paycheck by paycheck and we want only the best for our kids. I have spent so much energy trying to teach my kids to want more in life as they grow into young people. To succeed and have the comforts of life. If something happen today I don't know what either one of us would do. There is nothing there. No securities, finacial stabilities, or help. Thankfully, it has started my spouse and I thinking of the future and the ways to be better prepared for the "just in case" something bad happens and one of us is taking from this life. A parent's job is to teach their kids about life and kids are suppose to be the reason a parent prepares for death. This should be on all parents' to do list. Get the life insurance policy, make the arrangements, and have that peace that if your time has come that you don't have any unfinshed business...

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Death may come, but on Angel feathers shall fly

Death is a part of life. There are times that it seems to be a villain, but what people don't realize is it part of the cycle. We are all born, we grow, have kids, grow old, and we rejoin mother earth. Death is sorrow and sadness, but it is something to also rejoice in. It takes away the pain from the suffering and is reborn into new life. A constant circle. We don't disappear just because our human life ends, we are reborn into the grand plan that is designed for us. Last Saturday, my uncle passed away. It wasn't how I thought he would leave this reality. I always saw him old and gray barking at the it was his time in the mother's plan. He loved every part of his life and in the end was ready. I use to fear a child I would have nightmares and wake up screaming. I could hear the crunching sound of the soil being shoveled onto me. The smell of the dirt literally would wake me from my slumber. And I could never share these dreams with anyone. Now that I am a parent I help my kids embrace the facts of life and not fear them. You make what you will of this life, it is your choice. Do good and be rewarded. Do evil and be punished. Its that simple, there should be no sugar coating when it comes to facing death. Rejoice, for one day you will be reunited. And that's what I do....rejoice.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Remember Me?

Okay, so it seems to have been too long since I posted anything. Call it "writer's block" but my mind had been put on pause for a little bit... So much has happen and I am sure that moms out there can relate to it. You wake up one day, look in the mirror and you don't even recognise yourself. Life gave me alot to look at and correct in my little world of happiness. I lost a friendship due to infidelity with my partner, but most of all I had to be the wall for my kids during the time apart from their father. Time definitely heals all wounds. This all accrued back in June 11' and I have cried, screams, cried some more, and started to heal. So, you may feel I may have even cracked that barrier of sanity and crazy town... Well in all honesty, yeah I hit rock bottom and I hit it HARD! But in life you can dwell on all the negative things and wither up and die or you can acknowledge it and grow from it. I am so thankful for my kids, they were the motivation to get up everyday and go through the day. Trust me, I just wanted to die. I wanted to drown in the hurt and sorrow of my broken heart. It is really hard when you loose your partner, spouse, boy/girlfriend to someone else, especially when that person was suppose to be your bestie. I'm sure you are wondering if I happen to beat the crap out of that person.... No. I did the opposite. I forgave and I actually thanked her. She gave me another one of life's challenges and I survived it. From time to time she calls or texts me, I know she misses me but that is her loss. I won't be her friend again not because of her going after my husband but the breaking my heart part. You need to forgive, but no one said to forget, lol OK :) I mean we are not born complete idiots. Okay, as I said I am catching up on what you have missed in the two years. So as of now I am currently involved, and surprisingly its my ex...We have been together for so long now going on 13 years that honestly he is the only man I can stand to be with for long periods of kids are doing better and as "MommY" well I have set down some house rules to not repeat this last disaster and we both have learned from all of this to not neglect the important people and things in this life. I feel we appreciate our lives together as a family and as a couple more now than we ever have. We actually moved into a new place back in July and come Valentines Day 2013 we will be celebrating our first anniversary back together....

Well I guess that gets you caught up and I promise to have more posts in the future...

Good Tip: Wake up every morning and don't look at yourself in the mirror first but kiss the person next to you in bed, and smile!